She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
