Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
operation harelip BJ is a go
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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