If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
