you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
