Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
