he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
