just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
