some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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