4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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