No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
