He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
