I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
