i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
