You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We were destined to go to rehab together
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
