i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
