2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
