shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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