oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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