i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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