taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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