the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
