she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
