Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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