He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
