my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
