Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
