I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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