If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You can't just leave with hair like that
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
