This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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