I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
