so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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