just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
