Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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