these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
