We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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