I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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