Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
