Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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