real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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