hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
