honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
