listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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