fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
