I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
