Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
