Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
MIDGETS
????
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
