New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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