ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
