Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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