I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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