it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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