thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
