So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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