So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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