just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
