she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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